Divorced women aren’t real women they are broken and incapable, They are the pollution to our modest society … This is what my friend just called me crying about which angered me so deeply as I recall these comments and how it feels when I got divorced.
This post will be brief so I wont go in-depth about the rules of divorce but to be honest I’m tired of all the shuyookh and whoever else who constantly talk about the divorce rates being so high in our ummah and how this is so bad. I don’t even know how they have an official stat for divorce since divorce is something between a husband and wife so most people wouldn’t be in that statistic (if it exists) and there is no need for any sheikh to even know about it or conduct it just as a marriage contract can be done by an imam or even the womans brother etc. But all of this scolding people for not being patient and not saving their marriages for the sake of Allah or their children is just becoming too much of a blind trend they are affecting people psychologically and their spiritually. There is a fine line between good advice and what is the actual right advice.
Do people really not know about the sahabah and people of Medina who got married and divorced numerous times? Do they think really that everyone is just compatible? why are the people speaking about such a private matter between a Husband and Wife that really has no concern to others. Marriage problems use to be private in a respectable way both could part and re marry and its no ones business.
This whole mentality of someone being divorced making her a bad woman is from a twisted culture of people who claim modesty but yet have no self-respect as divorce can happen to anyone and it could happen to their own daughter then rendering her worthless to them , Shame on you if you believe a divorced woman or a widow is less valuable. Allah mentions in the Quran
عَسَىٰ رَبُّهُ إِنْ طَلَّقَكُنَّ أَنْ يُبْدِلَهُ أَزْوَاجًا خَيْرًا مِنْكُنَّ مُسْلِمَاتٍ مُؤْمِنَاتٍ قَانِتَاتٍ تَائِبَاتٍ عَابِدَاتٍ سَائِحَاتٍ ثَيِّبَاتٍ وَأَبْكَارًا
[O wives of the Prophet!] Were he to divorce [any of] you, God might well give him in your stead spouses better than you – women who surrender themselves unto God, who truly believe, devoutly obey His will, turn [unto Him] in repentance [whenever they have sinned], worship [Him alone], and go on and on [seeking His goodly acceptance] 9 – be they women previously married or virgins (66:5)
Subhan Allah, we know rasoolullah Salla Allahu alayhi wassalam was married to women who had been previously married except for Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her. Do you think your daughters or yourself for not being divorced are better than the mothers of the believers? do you think if a virgin was better than a divorced woman or a widow better than a divorced one Allah would not have mentioned this. When admonishing the mothers of the believers saying Allah mentioned previously married or virgins as the value lays in their aqeedah and Iman see how Allah mentions good qualities then states previously married or virgins so even if there is an importance in that status which some may prefer then it is after the Aqeedah and Iman of a woman.
The shuyookh and general people need to stop talking about divorce as a taboo and the bad thing in our communities, they need to stop the stigma by allowing people to know and believe that it’s not anyones business if the husband or wife was bad as we must conceal our own sins and the sins of others. It’s not for public knowledge what happens in a marriage if its good or bad its private and shouldn’t be shared without the consent and knowledge of both people in that relationship and without revealing the sins of either of them.
As a single mother I faced questions from people, why are you divorced? what did he do? why didn’t you try work it out, you have kids it would have been better to stay together just be patient. Excuse me, but it’s not your business and no one has the right to ask. Some people may just part ways because they didn’t get along. Have you ever met someone who you just disagree with or after a while realise that you just don’t really get along as good as you do with others? For any self-respecting person they will ensure a person has the basic requirements for marriage than meet them while with family and then question them and their family. The knowledge of each other is very limited until they actually marry and live together for at least 6 months to a year. Marriage preserves their dignity and saves them from just quitting and walking away as soon as they see they don’t like something or their dream has fallen because he snores or got agitated one day and shouted etc. But the reality is all people have undesirable things about them and just as she may not like all about him, he may not like everything about her but both tolerate it with patience because of other religious commitments. If they truly clash or discover after some years the other has changed for the worst then divorce is hallal and many times better than enduring issues that harm their Iman.
If divorce lowered a woman or made her a pollutant in society then He wouldn’t allow it among the best of our ummah or even mention it in the Quran as an option between a husband and wife who can’t reconcile.
High divorce numbers doesn’t show failed muslims or bad people it shows people who had the ability to look at the situation draw a line in the sand and say enough is enough. What should be a concern is the amount of single mothers who struggle to remarry because the mans mother shuns her son marrying someone who is divorced but if she isn’t a virgin the mother would quietly accept it.
The minority abuse divorce or use it to scare their wife or husband. But there is always a minority and we don’t make rules or judgements based upon that. I would rather my daughter or son to be married or divorced numerous times instead of commiting fawahish or even zina one time.
As for children of the divorced people, if you truly worry about them so much then be someone who strengthens their iman and encourage them and help them in what is good so they can be strong and capable to raise their children according to Islam. A woman or a man who are divorced and raising their children adhering to Islam will raise just as good children as anyone else. Divorce itself isn’t the reason for our nation falling or having so many problems it’s the false advice from these so-called shuyookh and the harram actions of us, our lack of obedience to Allah and our belittling of what is truly the problem. We as an ummah need toencourage the marriage of women if they are young or old, divorced prior or widowed we should love for them and their children as we love for ourselves.
W’Allahi, the words in the beginning of the post, that your friend said to you, shocked me! Here I thought this dilemma of hating divorced women or belittling them was common only in my country but from your post, it feels like this is an issue prevalent in the Muslim world. How twisted have we, as an Ummah, become?! I have always felt surprised and indignant when women themselves have advised other women to stay in abusive or stagnant marriages for the sake of their children/family/honor. A marriage is something that should have roots in strong mutual respect and affection. If that is absent, there is no point in staying together and the decision of separation or divorce rests solely with the married couple.
It’s sad how easily we have amalgamated our own ignorant traditions with Islam and uphold this bigotry and misogyny without any thought to the feelings of those before us, in whose faces we blatantly spew our biased, ignorant opinions.
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Yes it’s very sad. Often times even if the woman wants a divorce the husband won’t agree. Allah has given everyone rights and the choice to obey or not but no one should impose on another. If many people understood the lives of the sahabah and how often they got married and divorced, their criteria for marriage etc they wouldn’t be so judgmental
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Exactly. It’s the individual right of a person to not live with somebody they don’t respect and love. I don’t even understand how people can justify anything otherwise, and then have the audacity to relate it to Islam. Disgusting!
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Unfortunately it’s happening alot. Also the recommendation to wait more then the prescribed waiting period because it’s more honourable. As if any idea different to the law of Allah will raise the honour of anyone. It’s a very sad state we are in
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It is. And the saddest thing is that men face no restrictions from society when it comes to divorce. In fact, they are encouraged to divorce their wife if they are not happy with her, by friends especially. Only the wives are supposed to compromise for the relationship or the children or the honor of the family. We’ve thrown Islam down the drain as far as women’s rights are concerned.
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